Recents in Beach

COVID Chin Music

COVID mankini

A government report has today concluded that COVID 19 is very unlikely to be contracted via the chin. The £2 billion research project led by Mel Lons, close associate of Matt Hancock and former porn star, has raised serious concerns regarding the public’s current mask-wearing strategy.

An apoplectic Charles Horseman, virologist and Armageddon hobbyist, told us, “What the hell is wrong with people? Do you see a cricketer stroll out to bat with his box causally strapped to his knee? Do you see a sumo wrestler waddle into conflict, sporting his jockstrap as a hat?  Do you see Zorro sword-fighting the Mexican hoards, with his eye mask strung over his testicles like an alarming pair of string speedos? No, no, no!

Despite the report, Joe Public seem less concerned.  Emu Wardrobe, a track suit salesman from Crawley, told us, “I like my PPE like my knuckles - on the floor!”