Recents in Beach

Oxford-AstraZeneca vaccine linked to outbreak of extreme sports

Oxford-AstraZeneca vaccine linked to outbreak of extreme sports

Concerns over possible side-effects of the Oxford-AstraZeneca vaccine increased yesterday after reports of an apparent outbreak of extreme sports in Milton Keynes.

Hilda Legume, a local washer woman, told the Badger, ‘My husband got his jab last week. He’s a fat f*cker who lists eating cake and being stationary as hobbies, so I was relieved at first. But now he’s taken up parkour and is jumping around the town’s rooftops like some flabby-assed Spider-Man. The roof of the local shopping centre has already collapsed.’

Karen Ballbreaker, a civil servant from Northfields, is recovering in hospital after attempting to ski down the face of the town quarry on a pair of baguettes. Bob Saddlebag, a homeless bum from the bins behind Poundland, was stopped by police on the A5, doing 80 mph on a rocket-powered skateboard whilst nude. And Malcolm Combover, an accountant from Atterbury, was rescued by the fire services after lighting himself on fire to play bowls.

Astra-Zeneca have refused to comment although it is rumoured the executive team were last seen free-diving off the top of the Shard.