The UK retail industry was in uproar today as Marks & Spencer CEO Hedge Rowe announced that the reason his company was experiencing no issues with panic buying was a simply matter of demographics.
"It's not classist," he told the Badger. "Our trademark is that we serve a better quality product to a better quality customer. We've never apologised for this, and I don't intend to start now. We're simply reaping the benefits of our chosen market segment: our customers understand that panic buying is counterproductive long term, and so haven't sunk to the ignorant, loo-roll deprived depths that the rest of the country has. It's a smart shopping choice that we will continue to support."
Rival supermarket Sainsbury's CEO Mike Coupon, who recently announced his company's intention to counter panic buying by spending almost 8 million pounds on a fleet of tiny trolleys, was not available for comment.
