Recents in Beach

Space Cadets

Police chase on a space hopper picture

The UK was rocked yesterday after Boris Johnson announced that the metropolitan police force would be furnished with a fleet of space hoppers to better fight inner-city crime.

In a hair-raising speech the PM explained that law enforcement would require much greater agility and flexibility in a post-Brexit Britain. He also referenced the Mad Max movies, remarking that ‘things could get quite tricky and dangerous out there’.

A wheezing PC Roger Bouncewell told the Badger, “We haven’t caught anyone yet but that's because criminals can walk pretty fast. Stealth’s not so good either because the damn things squeak, and bright orange is a rubbish camouflage, but bouncing around London is wonderfully freeing and quite arousing. ”

It was later reported that Bouncewell had lost control of his hopper in pursuit of an elderly homeless man on Southwark bridge and toppled into the Thames. He was fished out near Wapping and fined £500 for breaking a river law and £9.50 for the lost hopper.