Recents in Beach

New Scientific Study Says Grey Badger Very Funny; Private Eye, The Onion And The Daily Mash, Not So Much

hamster holding grey badger sign picture
The Badger were left delighted yesterday after it was revealed that a recent study by Oxford University determined that Grey Badger was in most cases, very funny.

Private Eye, was rated as ‘mirthful but a bit old hat’, and The Onion was described as ‘occasionally funny but mostly drab.’ Worst of all was The Daily Mash who were, quite frankly, mashed for ‘having quite good headlines but nothing else of note.'

Dr Cherry Pasty, lead analyst of the research told the Badger, “It was quite a simple test. We had four hamsters in four separate cages. We then read them articles from each publication and studied and recorded the different behaviours over a period of days.

It became clear very early on that Barry was loving the Grey Badger. He kept squeaking through out. He especially enjoyed the ‘Jam making Cult pan Mayans and plum for new Armageddon date’ article. He broke his wheel he was running so quick! And also, ‘The Bear Necessities’ story. We’re pretty sure he was trying to dance like Alan. And he heavily soiled his cage.

Malcolm liked Private Eye but then who doesn’t? He was very chillaxed, sat at the back of his wheel, smoking a tiny cigar but he never got that animated or excited.

Mable seemed genuinely disinterested with The Onion. I think there’s only so many identical Donald Trump stories a hamster can take.

And poor Terry. He initially loved The Daily Mash. Loads of early squeaking for the headlines but then he started to realise there wasn’t much else beyond that. After a day or two, he became depressed and started to build a small fort out of straw. Next day he rolls over and hibernates."

So how’s Barry now?

“Very good. A few days back, we read him the ‘Inventor of the 5:2 Fasting Diet Dies’ article. He was delighted and couldn’t stop squeaking. Then he does two star jumps, a burpee and a forward roll. It was just brilliant but we are a bit worried he’s stopped eating since.”