Recents in Beach

Google Put To The Sword


Google were left red-faced last week after a court ordered them to employ a man despite the fact he had turned up for interview dressed as a medieval knight and used ‘Ye Olde’ English throughout.

It emerged that neither Google or Reed, the recruitment agency involved, had read the man’s CV. He passed the initial selection process based on an automated word-matching system and a lovely photo of a war horse he had used for his profile picture.

The man’s CV profile was quoted as part of the court proceedings. It read: “A self-confident and agile-minded knight of King Arthur’s round table with 20 years experience within project management, swordsmanship, sprint planning, armour design, budget management, defending the realm, pillaging, and general sorcery”

The judge determined Google’s recruitment process was utterly inadequate and that all sorts of diversity laws had probably been compromised.

Flossy Undercurrent, the manager who conducted the interview, told the Badger, “It was all a bit surreal. I could hear him clanking down the corridor before he got to my office. Then he wobbles in, top to tail in armour and chainmail. He spent the whole time talking about King Arthur and drinking mead. Everything was ‘ye olde this’ and ‘ye olde that’. And he kept calling me a bonny wench and complaining that my table was not the correct shape.”

Goodness! So how’s he settling in?

“Surprisingly well. He makes a lot of noise and communication is a problem but we are putting all our staff through a very expensive Old English training programme to help with that. In meetings he sometimes challenges people to joust but to be fair this has actually improved the decision-making process.

His car parking space is still a bit of an issue. They were never really designed for horses. It’s keeping the cleaners busy. He spends a lot of time at lunch staring at the lake we have on the grounds, apparently he’s waiting for a lady to deliver him something important.

He also wants to be remunerated in Groats. I mean, what the hell is a Groat? We passed this issue on to HR, so hopefully it will be sorted in a year or two.

Anyway, the thing is, he’s actually good at what he does. Yes, very old fashioned but a great planner, very assertive and loves a  good RAID log. Overall he’s quite an effective project manager. And let’s be honest that’s quite a rare thing.


We’re also hoping he can use some of his sorcery skills to get our agile teams to deliver something we actually want. Now, that would be magic.”