Recents in Beach

Cheer Up, You're Not Depressed

Sexy nurse costume

Scunthorpe, UK - Victims of depression should 'just cheer up', according to a study published today in the British Journal of Medicine.

Research scientists Dr Bob Sjorunkel and Marjory Nodbudder conducted a rigorous trial with one hundred clinically depressed patients.  The patients were split into two groups: a test group that were accompanied everywhere by a band of young cheerleaders, and a control group that were 'left alone to their misery'.

"It was remarkable," said Dr Sjorunkel. "After several hours of exuberant cheerleading from the girls, members of the test group started to twitch.  Then, one by one, they started coming forward claiming to be feeling much better. We didn't believe it at first, but after several more hours the whole group started crying with happiness. It was simply incredible."

Matt Hancock, UK Secretary of State for Health and Social Care was equally enthusiastic. "Not only will this mean significant savings for the NHS since we can dispense with the medication (haha, dispense, get it?), but cheerleading costumes for our nurses will be much cheaper and sexier than those depressing blue outfits. I know our doctors won't complain."

A happy day for everybody.