Recents in Beach

The Rupture

american footballer rapture picture

Sports fans and very special Christians were united in disbelief yesterday after NFL star Hank Bush claimed that he had ‘raptured’ his testicles after being hit in the groin by a football.

The extraordinary incident occurred deep into the second half of a closely contested game between the New England Patriots and Miami Dolphins, after Bush blocked an attempted clearance kick at point blank range.

The devout fundamentalist Christian, who has 33 children said later, “ I realised as I lay on the grass that Gods hands were upon me. I immediately felt incredibly calm. He was slowly releasing my pain. Then all at once I understood: my testicles were being moved over to the other side. God told me that the rest of me would follow later.”

The pastor of Bush’s local church later said, “Well, it’s certainly an usual story but the possibility of a partial rapture shouldn’t be dismissed. Let’s be fair, it's not the weirdest shit we've believed in.”

Giants coach Bob Taylortrash, was less sympathetic, saying, “It’s just crazy person talk about a heavy tackle, and a complete balls-up if you ask me.”