Recents in Beach

The Wind of God Rips Through Bermondsay

people wearing masks in church photograph

London, UK - Pentecostal churches in Bermondsay have been shaken by what appears to be a spiritual revival as a wave of collective flatulence ripped through congregations on Sunday.

Jim Jefferies, amateur comedian and pastor of the Jumping for Jesus church, said, "Farting happens all the time in churches, especially given the increasing average age of congregations, but we've never seen anything like this before.  It started during prayer with old Mrs Blubber-Mooth, which is not unusual, but then it took off: wave after wave of Holy Spirit, the Wind of God which bloweth where it willeth. We are so blessed."

Professor Nicholas Untoward, Head of Biblical Studies at Oxford University, explains: "Many New Testament scholars argue that Holy Spirit, or pneuma hagion in the ancient greek, should be more correctly rendered Holy Wind or Holy Flatulence. This would explain why so many are overcome when the Spirit of the Lord descends upon them. Indeed, when Jesus was on the cross and a spear was thrust into his side, scribes, being of a conservative nature, redacted the fact that Jesus also farted when he gave his last breath (pneuma). Many have said that this was the first outpouring of the Spirit, preceding Pentecost, however history has not been kind to that fact."

Local communities however have kicked up a big stink about these events.  "It's bad enough that they ring their blasted bells every f*cking Sunday morning," said Carl Mudgeon, "but this is the last straw.  I can't open my windows anymore because of the unholy stench!"

The Church of England told the Badger it will investigate the matter, but might give it a few days.