Recents in Beach

Bear Necessities

Kevin Clifton and Bear on Strictly Come Dancing

Not wanting to be out done by ITV‘s recent announcement that a same-sex couple will skate in this years Dancing on Ice, Strictly Come Dancing have confirmed they will also raise awareness of important equality issues in their 2020 show, with Professional dancer Kevin Clifton being partnered with Alan, a six year old, Siberian Black Bear.

BBC spokesperson, Jennifer Twinkletoes, later told the Badger, “I think it’s a wonderful thing. Animal rights, human rights - bringing the two things together. I’m just disappointed we didn’t think of it earlier. Kev is already enjoying the training. He’s doing so much running!”

And how’s Alan getting on?

“He’s doing ok but it’s been tough. The Quick Step and Charleston are not easy dances to learn and Ballroom is particularly tricky. He was struggling with gapping but this has greatly improved since we’ve covered Kev in honey before rehearsals.

It’s all very different from riding a tricycle in a Russian Circus and sitting for long periods in a very small cage. But he’s got a much bigger cage now and he’s even got his own TV. He loves Paw Patrol.“

Animal rights activists were in uproar after hearing the news. Penelope Grittylitter, of PETA UK told us, “This action puts the BBC on a par with Hitler, PolPot and The cat lady from The Simpsons. And why bring racism in to it? Why the need to state the colour of the bear?”

When the Badger then pointed out that a Black Bear is actually a type of Bear she became flustered saying, “ Oh. Well I suppose there might be a few different types but certainly not to our knowledge. And anyway I think you’re missing the point. Racism is racism whatever the context.”

When we then asked why she wasn’t more concerned with the ‘animal rights’ element of the story she got very upset, put her fingers in her ears and started to shout ‘la la la la la’ over and over.

The BBC later confirmed that the show had been put on hold because Alan had mauled a member of the crew after they were critical of his timing during an Argentine Tango.

However it was then later revealed that the crew member was in fact, Craig Revel-Horwood, so filming would resume and Alan awarded a medal as one of ‘Britain’s greatest ever heroes.’