Recents in Beach

War of Woking

War of the Worlds in Woking

Woking police have detained a man after extraordinary scenes in Woking town centre late yesterday evening.  Following several 999 calls, Halibut Shoes, 35, was apprehended whilst dancing around a large fire of burning books, dressed only in his underpants and ranting about Martians, HG Wells and the town of Woking.

An eyewitness who preferred to remain anonymous said:

It was extraordinary. I’d never seen anything like it. He had all these copies of War of the Worlds and then just set them on fire. Then he took off his clothes, started yelling at the top of his voice and danced around like a crazy person. 

He kept repeating that reading the book had ruined his life, and how in God’s name could a world invasion of earth be based in Surrey with Martians just trudging about Woking, Dorking and Leatherhead?!  And something about Woking being mentioned at least three or four times on every page. 

At one point he seemed to calm down and tried talking to me about Jeff Wayne’s musical version being much more accurate than the book, which I found rather strange. 

Poor thing, I don’t think he’d ever read the book until now. And let’s be fair, it is a bit shit.

It was reported later that Mr Shoes had been sedated and was being held under the mental health act at the Royal Wallington Asylum for idiots.